Post by Calgary Flames on Feb 5, 2023 10:11:25 GMT -6
Well the Allstar game is finally upon us in beautiful Lake Louise, Alberta. The rink is nestled between the soaring peaks of the Rockies but the only thing flying higher than the majestic geological formations is the talent level on display in the mid-season classic. There are concerns that the 6 feet of frozen ice supporting the rink will melt right through because of the burning hot NHL skills on display.
The game is about to start. McDavid, Matthews and Pastrnak upfront for the West with Makar and Dahlin on D while Themko mans the pipes. For the East Draisaitl, Kaprizov, and Kucherov are the forward line with OEL and Werenski as the D and in net Vasilevskiy. Let’s get this underway!
1st Period
Before the puck drops Draisaitl moves Kaprizov to the dot and lines up opposite McDavid. Interesting. Let’s see what’s going on here. The puck drops, Leon quickly turns, drops a glove and hammers McDavid in the face like a Panzer tank hammering Northern Europe circa 1942. McDavid is laying flat on his back at 19:59 of the first. As Draisaitl is escorted to the box you can here him mutter, “McJesus you’ve been crucified.” Obviously some bad blood there.
So the West is on the PP with Draisaitl in the box for 5 minutes but strangely not ejected. The second line comes out for the West (Matthews does not look pleased with his 1 second shift to start the game). Pannarin, Keller, and Barkov hit the ice. Off the draw Barkov taps the buck clean out of the air over to Panarin who bats it in. Not a legal play but we have our first goal at 19:58 of the first period. An eventful first two seconds of the game! GOAL!!!!! 1-0 West!!!!
The coach calls for a line-change for the West…..the players are like “WTF???” Two seconds and two line changes. Marner, Larkin, and Robertson hit the ice with Theodore and Seider. For the East trying to kill off the remaining 4:59 of the major still on the clock are Farabee, Hischer Larsson, and Hedman. Off the draw the puck comes straight back to Theodore who fires the puck the length of the ice which looks like it is going for icing…….NO WAIT!!!! It was a set play, the puck hits perfectly in the corner and comes firing into the slot for a streaking Larkin who hammers it home on a surprised Vasilevskiy. Hedman and Larsson didn’t even move as they watched Larkin split them. Only 4 seconds came off the clock! GOAL!!!! 2-0 WEST!!!!!
With 19:54 still on the clock and 4:55 on the major penalty this could get ugly. Oh what’s happening? Vasilevskiy is skating towards the bench. As he passes Hedman he two hand chops him behind the knee and then proceeds to throw his helmet at Larsson. You can hear him mutter, “play some effing defense you mother effers.” Vasilevskiy leaves the ice, walks through the tunnel, and disappears. Rumors are that he was seen on a Japanese tour bus taking in the Lake Louis glacier while still in full goalie pads.
Vasilevskiy exits the game with a 0.00 SV% and a whopping 600.00 GAA. Chris Driedger enters the game earlier than expected. He is given a little extra time to stretch and finish his hotdog.
Finally a little bit of luck for the East as Draisaitl gets sprung on a breakaway as he exits the box on a beauty stretch pass from McAvoy. GOAL FOR THE EAST, 2-1 SCORE!!!! Draisaitl turns to McDavid who returned to the bench and makes a throat slashing gesture.
In goal for the West, Demko is starting to look nervous as he is also sporting a 0.00% SV% a little over 5 minutes into the game. However, the hot dog does not appear to be sitting well with Driedger and the West restores their 2 goal lead with a beautiful passing play of Krug to Severson on the half wall, a cross ice pass to Theodore who bumps it to the low slot to Seider who makes a no look pass instead of shooting to Makar at the side of the net for a tap in. Dahlin watches from the bench as a single tear slides down his cheek. GOAL!!!!!! 3-1 WEST
There is little scoring after that. Demko can relax as he proceeds to stop 31 of 31 shots he sees for the rest of the period. Driedger made a couple of saves too after ordering a popcorn and large Coca Cola Classic from a vendor during a TV timeout.
2nd Period
The game has been surprisingly low scoring heading into the second period. Driedger is told he is going back in for the 2nd at which point his face drains of all color. He hadn’t realized the “1 period per goalie” rule was out the window when Vasilevskiy left the game less than one minute into the first. Dreegs had apparently chugged 4 beers and hit a couple lines between periods as he thought his night was done. Despite this, it is 3 quick goals as Matthew Tkachuk goes top shelf through his legs 3 times in a 45 second shift. GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST!!!!! 4-3 EAST IS AHEAD!!!!!
Next shift Stammer is up to his old tricks with 3 successive one T clappers top cheddar from his office with all 3 assisted by Ehlers who may not have been on the ice until this shift. GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST!!!!! 7-3 East. For those scoring at home, Connor Helleybuyck has stopped zero of the first six shots he has faced for the West. Meanwhile Driedger has puked in each of the corners and is trying to snort the blue-line.
It’s the halfway point of the second and Driedger is finally allowed to leave the ice as Juuse Saros enters the game. Not a moment too soon either as Saros immediately faces a barrage of shots making highlight reel save after highlight reel save. Pad stack to rob Barzal, shuts the door on Konecny, windmill save on Keller, Guentzel denied by a paddle save. He is unbeatable through his first 9 minutes of the period he is playing in wherein he has stopped no less than 22 shots. With one minute left in the period the power Five-some of Krug, Severson, Theodore, Seider and Makar step back onto the ice and turn on a Harlem Globetrotters-esque display of razzle dazzle ending with a Kobe-Bryant-No-Look-Confusion-Maker pass from Makar to Seider. Unfortunately, you could hear Saros’ groin tear from the press level and his scream could be heard in Vancouver. The WEST SCORES TO CLOSE THE GAP TO 7-4!!!!!
The game is paused with the final minute of the 2nd added to the 3rd period as no one could find Driedger who has to get back between the pipes.
3rd Period
Driedger was found in the ice bath with a couple of bottles of champagne, a Puerto Rican lady of the night, and a live ostrich. His pupils were the size of dinner plates and the trainer had to help him into his pads. As he skated out for the third he was leaning on his goalie stick like a crutch and clearly shaking.
At the other end Spencer Knight was warming up, stretching, and taking some shots to get ready for his first allstar appearance. You could see him at times staring down at his counterpart and mouthing “what the fuck?”
Play got underway. The East took a play out of the West’s play book and started OEL, Werenski, Jones, Hedman, and Larsson who made a pretty impressive line but mostly took turns hammering slapshots from the blue line. Knight was up to the task.
Hyman, Farabee, and Hischer (dubbed the 200 foot line for the East) did an excellent job of limiting the chances against and dumping and chasing to little effect. They had an excellent CORSI however. It wasn’t until Hertl took a beauty pass from Forsberg for the lamp to light with 12 minutes left in the game to make it GOAL 8-4 for the EAST!!!!!!
Time was getting tight for the West. The top line hadn’t played much after McDavid was murdered. Despite the fact he was quacking like a duck on the bench, the coach sent him out with Matthews and Pasta and magic ensued. McDavid, Matthews, and Pastrnak proceeded to rip shot after shot iron and in on Driedger who, at this point, was taped to the frame of the goal to stand up. GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!!!!! 8-8 GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Allegedly Driedger now had pure vodka in his water bottle and was near passing out.
The trainer for the East took a timeout which apparently is allowed in allstar games. The cameras couldn’t see what was slipped into Driedgers mouth but it did the trick as the once lifeless tendy immediately perked up. With 4 minutes left, the game is tied.
A couple players that had played under 2 minutes so far in the game, Barzy and Larky managed to get on the ice with Barky. Barky mostly played in his own end working on his Selke credentials while Barzy refused to shoot despite having a lot of open looks. Larky used his blazing speed to go end to end several times before losing an edge and smashing into the end boards.
Momentum swung to the East again with Stammer clapping one-Ts, Tkachuk trying to go through the legs repeatedly, and KK (Kucherov and Kaprizov) ripping wristee after wristee at the goal to no avail. What ever Driedger was slipped, it worked. He was brilliant, save after save was made. He was a brick wall back there. With a minute left he sprung Nico Hischer with a 120 foot pass who went in on a break away, faked forehand, went back hand, and then chipped the pass back into the middle where Seth Jones had joined the rush and hammered a slop shot from 8 feet out for the go ahead goal. GOAL!!!!! EAST AHEAD 9-8 WITH ONE MINUTE TO GO!!!!!!!
In the last minute the West trotted out Robertson, Panarin, Guentzel, Dahlin, Konecny, Keller, Marner, Dahlin, pulled Demko, then sent him back out to be a net front presence. None of the players had been on the ice much, and for those counting at home, that is 9 players on the ice. Bench minor for the West.
Down a man, and desperate, the West send out the super D line again. Dahlin was forced to serve the bench minor and with the goalie pulled the stage was set. Another single tear was seen rolling down his cheek. The East counters with PLD, Hischer, Hyman, Jones and McAvoy to try to finish up the last minute. Off the draw Marner plays a beautiful bank pass off the boards springing Keller. Inexplicably Hyman is the last man back but he gets absolutely undressed by the shifty forward, catches an edge, and collapses in a heap in the corner. Keller, who is mic’d up can be heard saying, “No that’s how you bust a Hyman”. However, Driedger makes an amazing save on Keller but the other 4 Eastern players chose not to skate back at all assuming the netminder was dead. Hischer grabbed the rebound but Driedger is equal to the task with a beauty pad stack. In a desperate move Seth Jones chooses to skate right through the netminder absolutely blowing him up but the last ditch effort from Dubois goes bar down…..and settles on the goal line as the horn goes off. Driedger and Hyman are taken to hospital. Driedger wins MVP.
After a thrilling 9-8 final Chris Driedger is interviewed from his hospital bed.
Reporter: Chris that was a very unusual game. You set a record for minutes played by a goaltender. Can you comment on your play?
Driedger: To be honest I don’t remember much of it. I watched the replay and I believe it was either the booze or the hit at the end that erased most of my memory. I also did a lot of cocaine.
Reporter: What was the turning point for you? You play certainly improved.
Driedger: Well you know I thought the coke would really get me going but it wasn’t until the trainer came out and helped me out that my engine got going.
Reporter: What did he give you? Smelling salts?
Driedger: Nope. A human adrenal gland. I was chewing on a human adrenal gland.
Reporter: Ummmmm ok. Well with that, congrats on the win and the MVP.
The game is about to start. McDavid, Matthews and Pastrnak upfront for the West with Makar and Dahlin on D while Themko mans the pipes. For the East Draisaitl, Kaprizov, and Kucherov are the forward line with OEL and Werenski as the D and in net Vasilevskiy. Let’s get this underway!
1st Period
Before the puck drops Draisaitl moves Kaprizov to the dot and lines up opposite McDavid. Interesting. Let’s see what’s going on here. The puck drops, Leon quickly turns, drops a glove and hammers McDavid in the face like a Panzer tank hammering Northern Europe circa 1942. McDavid is laying flat on his back at 19:59 of the first. As Draisaitl is escorted to the box you can here him mutter, “McJesus you’ve been crucified.” Obviously some bad blood there.
So the West is on the PP with Draisaitl in the box for 5 minutes but strangely not ejected. The second line comes out for the West (Matthews does not look pleased with his 1 second shift to start the game). Pannarin, Keller, and Barkov hit the ice. Off the draw Barkov taps the buck clean out of the air over to Panarin who bats it in. Not a legal play but we have our first goal at 19:58 of the first period. An eventful first two seconds of the game! GOAL!!!!! 1-0 West!!!!
The coach calls for a line-change for the West…..the players are like “WTF???” Two seconds and two line changes. Marner, Larkin, and Robertson hit the ice with Theodore and Seider. For the East trying to kill off the remaining 4:59 of the major still on the clock are Farabee, Hischer Larsson, and Hedman. Off the draw the puck comes straight back to Theodore who fires the puck the length of the ice which looks like it is going for icing…….NO WAIT!!!! It was a set play, the puck hits perfectly in the corner and comes firing into the slot for a streaking Larkin who hammers it home on a surprised Vasilevskiy. Hedman and Larsson didn’t even move as they watched Larkin split them. Only 4 seconds came off the clock! GOAL!!!! 2-0 WEST!!!!!
With 19:54 still on the clock and 4:55 on the major penalty this could get ugly. Oh what’s happening? Vasilevskiy is skating towards the bench. As he passes Hedman he two hand chops him behind the knee and then proceeds to throw his helmet at Larsson. You can hear him mutter, “play some effing defense you mother effers.” Vasilevskiy leaves the ice, walks through the tunnel, and disappears. Rumors are that he was seen on a Japanese tour bus taking in the Lake Louis glacier while still in full goalie pads.
Vasilevskiy exits the game with a 0.00 SV% and a whopping 600.00 GAA. Chris Driedger enters the game earlier than expected. He is given a little extra time to stretch and finish his hotdog.
Finally a little bit of luck for the East as Draisaitl gets sprung on a breakaway as he exits the box on a beauty stretch pass from McAvoy. GOAL FOR THE EAST, 2-1 SCORE!!!! Draisaitl turns to McDavid who returned to the bench and makes a throat slashing gesture.
In goal for the West, Demko is starting to look nervous as he is also sporting a 0.00% SV% a little over 5 minutes into the game. However, the hot dog does not appear to be sitting well with Driedger and the West restores their 2 goal lead with a beautiful passing play of Krug to Severson on the half wall, a cross ice pass to Theodore who bumps it to the low slot to Seider who makes a no look pass instead of shooting to Makar at the side of the net for a tap in. Dahlin watches from the bench as a single tear slides down his cheek. GOAL!!!!!! 3-1 WEST
There is little scoring after that. Demko can relax as he proceeds to stop 31 of 31 shots he sees for the rest of the period. Driedger made a couple of saves too after ordering a popcorn and large Coca Cola Classic from a vendor during a TV timeout.
2nd Period
The game has been surprisingly low scoring heading into the second period. Driedger is told he is going back in for the 2nd at which point his face drains of all color. He hadn’t realized the “1 period per goalie” rule was out the window when Vasilevskiy left the game less than one minute into the first. Dreegs had apparently chugged 4 beers and hit a couple lines between periods as he thought his night was done. Despite this, it is 3 quick goals as Matthew Tkachuk goes top shelf through his legs 3 times in a 45 second shift. GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST!!!!! 4-3 EAST IS AHEAD!!!!!
Next shift Stammer is up to his old tricks with 3 successive one T clappers top cheddar from his office with all 3 assisted by Ehlers who may not have been on the ice until this shift. GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST, GOAL EAST!!!!! 7-3 East. For those scoring at home, Connor Helleybuyck has stopped zero of the first six shots he has faced for the West. Meanwhile Driedger has puked in each of the corners and is trying to snort the blue-line.
It’s the halfway point of the second and Driedger is finally allowed to leave the ice as Juuse Saros enters the game. Not a moment too soon either as Saros immediately faces a barrage of shots making highlight reel save after highlight reel save. Pad stack to rob Barzal, shuts the door on Konecny, windmill save on Keller, Guentzel denied by a paddle save. He is unbeatable through his first 9 minutes of the period he is playing in wherein he has stopped no less than 22 shots. With one minute left in the period the power Five-some of Krug, Severson, Theodore, Seider and Makar step back onto the ice and turn on a Harlem Globetrotters-esque display of razzle dazzle ending with a Kobe-Bryant-No-Look-Confusion-Maker pass from Makar to Seider. Unfortunately, you could hear Saros’ groin tear from the press level and his scream could be heard in Vancouver. The WEST SCORES TO CLOSE THE GAP TO 7-4!!!!!
The game is paused with the final minute of the 2nd added to the 3rd period as no one could find Driedger who has to get back between the pipes.
3rd Period
Driedger was found in the ice bath with a couple of bottles of champagne, a Puerto Rican lady of the night, and a live ostrich. His pupils were the size of dinner plates and the trainer had to help him into his pads. As he skated out for the third he was leaning on his goalie stick like a crutch and clearly shaking.
At the other end Spencer Knight was warming up, stretching, and taking some shots to get ready for his first allstar appearance. You could see him at times staring down at his counterpart and mouthing “what the fuck?”
Play got underway. The East took a play out of the West’s play book and started OEL, Werenski, Jones, Hedman, and Larsson who made a pretty impressive line but mostly took turns hammering slapshots from the blue line. Knight was up to the task.
Hyman, Farabee, and Hischer (dubbed the 200 foot line for the East) did an excellent job of limiting the chances against and dumping and chasing to little effect. They had an excellent CORSI however. It wasn’t until Hertl took a beauty pass from Forsberg for the lamp to light with 12 minutes left in the game to make it GOAL 8-4 for the EAST!!!!!!
Time was getting tight for the West. The top line hadn’t played much after McDavid was murdered. Despite the fact he was quacking like a duck on the bench, the coach sent him out with Matthews and Pasta and magic ensued. McDavid, Matthews, and Pastrnak proceeded to rip shot after shot iron and in on Driedger who, at this point, was taped to the frame of the goal to stand up. GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!!!!! 8-8 GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Allegedly Driedger now had pure vodka in his water bottle and was near passing out.
The trainer for the East took a timeout which apparently is allowed in allstar games. The cameras couldn’t see what was slipped into Driedgers mouth but it did the trick as the once lifeless tendy immediately perked up. With 4 minutes left, the game is tied.
A couple players that had played under 2 minutes so far in the game, Barzy and Larky managed to get on the ice with Barky. Barky mostly played in his own end working on his Selke credentials while Barzy refused to shoot despite having a lot of open looks. Larky used his blazing speed to go end to end several times before losing an edge and smashing into the end boards.
Momentum swung to the East again with Stammer clapping one-Ts, Tkachuk trying to go through the legs repeatedly, and KK (Kucherov and Kaprizov) ripping wristee after wristee at the goal to no avail. What ever Driedger was slipped, it worked. He was brilliant, save after save was made. He was a brick wall back there. With a minute left he sprung Nico Hischer with a 120 foot pass who went in on a break away, faked forehand, went back hand, and then chipped the pass back into the middle where Seth Jones had joined the rush and hammered a slop shot from 8 feet out for the go ahead goal. GOAL!!!!! EAST AHEAD 9-8 WITH ONE MINUTE TO GO!!!!!!!
In the last minute the West trotted out Robertson, Panarin, Guentzel, Dahlin, Konecny, Keller, Marner, Dahlin, pulled Demko, then sent him back out to be a net front presence. None of the players had been on the ice much, and for those counting at home, that is 9 players on the ice. Bench minor for the West.
Down a man, and desperate, the West send out the super D line again. Dahlin was forced to serve the bench minor and with the goalie pulled the stage was set. Another single tear was seen rolling down his cheek. The East counters with PLD, Hischer, Hyman, Jones and McAvoy to try to finish up the last minute. Off the draw Marner plays a beautiful bank pass off the boards springing Keller. Inexplicably Hyman is the last man back but he gets absolutely undressed by the shifty forward, catches an edge, and collapses in a heap in the corner. Keller, who is mic’d up can be heard saying, “No that’s how you bust a Hyman”. However, Driedger makes an amazing save on Keller but the other 4 Eastern players chose not to skate back at all assuming the netminder was dead. Hischer grabbed the rebound but Driedger is equal to the task with a beauty pad stack. In a desperate move Seth Jones chooses to skate right through the netminder absolutely blowing him up but the last ditch effort from Dubois goes bar down…..and settles on the goal line as the horn goes off. Driedger and Hyman are taken to hospital. Driedger wins MVP.
After a thrilling 9-8 final Chris Driedger is interviewed from his hospital bed.
Reporter: Chris that was a very unusual game. You set a record for minutes played by a goaltender. Can you comment on your play?
Driedger: To be honest I don’t remember much of it. I watched the replay and I believe it was either the booze or the hit at the end that erased most of my memory. I also did a lot of cocaine.
Reporter: What was the turning point for you? You play certainly improved.
Driedger: Well you know I thought the coke would really get me going but it wasn’t until the trainer came out and helped me out that my engine got going.
Reporter: What did he give you? Smelling salts?
Driedger: Nope. A human adrenal gland. I was chewing on a human adrenal gland.
Reporter: Ummmmm ok. Well with that, congrats on the win and the MVP.
